The Hard Conversations

The people side of management is often the most rewarding—but also the most difficult.

Performance conversations are rarely easy. They're not supposed to be. Everyone communicates differently, learns differently, and responds to feedback in their own way.

Performance isn't static. Life happens. Circumstances shift, and sometimes output reflects that. That's part of managing people—not just work.

But not every drop in performance is situational.

Sometimes, it needs to be addressed directly.

And that's where leadership gets uncomfortable.

And most people default to comfort over confrontation.

I Was Once the Difficult One

If it were that easy, everyone would be easy to coach. But that's not reality.

Early in my career, I worked at a store that brought in a new manager—and I wasn't happy about it.

They changed how we operated day to day. I didn't agree, and I didn't handle it well. I ignored the new processes and kept doing things the old way—the way I thought was better.

I was openly resistant.

It wasn't about whether I agreed with the process—it was about alignment.

There's more than one way to get to the same outcome. But when everyone chooses their own way, the system stops working.

One night, working late with that manager, I kept pushing back. Eventually, it caught up with me. I was sent home and written up.

Later, the store manager brought me into the office and said something that stuck:

"Maybe I didn't go about things the right way—but you need to understand that even the small things you do affect everyone." That landed.

I hadn't been thinking about the team. I was focused on being right—and staying comfortable.

I apologized. More importantly, I changed.

I wasn't seeing it clearly—I was acting selfishly, not thinking about the team as a whole.

That experience shaped how I see performance today.

The small things matter. Every interaction. Every moment.

Relating to People

Getting people to listen isn't about authority—it's about connection.

Everyone learns differently. Some respond to direct feedback. Others respond better to stories, examples, or shared experiences. Leadership is figuring out what works for each person—and that takes time.

Take the time to know your team. Understand what motivates them, how they communicate, and how they respond to feedback.

Be authentic. Teach, mentor, and guide—but do it in a way that connects.

Phrasing matters.

Saying, "From my experience, here's what didn't work and why," lands differently than simply telling someone what to do.

No one responds well to being commanded. Small changes in how you ask—adding respect, clarity, and intent—can completely change how your message is received.

Stop and think about how you're coming across.

Sharing real situations—what happened, what went wrong, and what you learned—gives people something they can apply.

You can learn from your own mistakes—or from someone who's already made them.

As one of my pastors says, "Don't pay the dumb tax more than you have to."

This is where empathy matters—not sympathy.

Understanding someone doesn't mean lowering the standard. It means knowing how to address the gap.

Not all resistance is loud.

Sometimes it looks like silence. Missed follow-ups. Avoidance. Denial. Blame.

You can try different approaches and still not get movement.

That doesn't mean you lower the standard.

It means you get clear.

Clear expectations. Clear ownership. Clear consequences when needed.

Without accountability, behavior doesn't change.

Leadership isn't just about adapting to people. It's about holding the line when it matters.

That's the line I come back to.

Conflict Is Part of the Job

Conflict happens. People don't always get along. In a support environment the early signs are subtle — tickets start closing slower, documentation gets thin, information stops flowing the way it should. People become disconnected from their role. Then it turns more openly confrontational.

Sometimes it shows up as poor communication, withheld information, resistance, or just difficult behavior.

Ignoring it doesn't make it go away.

Handled well, conflict can strengthen a team. Avoided, it breaks it down.

I learned that early on.

I was leading a small group—about 18 people. Things were going well. We were engaged, connected, and having strong discussions.

Then it shifted.

The same group that worked well together started to turn. Conversations became sharp. People became dismissive. The environment changed.

I didn't want to lose what we had built—but I didn't know how to address it.

So I asked for help.

My leadership coach gave me simple advice: "What happens in front of the group, you handle in front of the group."

I knew what that meant. I had to address it directly.

The next week, I opened by lightening the mood. Got people talking. Got them comfortable.

Then I addressed it.

"What happened last week? That's not how we treat each other."

It wasn't easy.

But it worked.

We had an honest conversation. People spoke openly. Things reset.

And the group got stronger because of it.

You can't avoid conflict.

You have to engage it.

Not every situation resolves cleanly. But avoiding it guarantees it won't.

Avoidance is a form of acceptance.

If you don't address it, you're choosing to let it continue.

Where I Start: System vs. Person

Once the conflict is addressed, the real work starts. Nine times out of ten when something breaks down in a team — performance, communication, behavior — it's not purely a people problem or purely a process problem. It's the space between them. That's where I start.

There is no perfect system.

You can build processes, define expectations, and put structure in place.

But systems don't execute themselves—people do.

Are the expectations clear? Is the system working? What's broken?

Unsaid expectations are unmet expectations.

You can't control everything people do—but you can build an environment that supports them, guides them, and sets them up to succeed.

Fix the system. Support the person. Hold the standard.

You need all three.

Because strong systems without people fail. And strong people without structure burn out.

Results That Matter

Relating to people builds trust.

When people understand that you care—and why the work matters—they engage differently. They take ownership. They invest in what they're doing.

That's what changes performance.

When you build that connection, you don't have to push as hard. The team starts to pull in the same direction.

That's how culture shifts.

Not through pressure—but through ownership, trust, and shared purpose.

Trust doesn't remove the need for accountability—it makes it possible.

Performance lives in the balance— between people and systems, between empathy and accountability.

Tagged: conflict